Ano na ito! Paano nga ba?

Paano nga ba tumanggap ng manliligaw? Hay, nakakalito din pala, hindi rin pala ganon kasaya lalo na kung hindi mo gusto ang isang tao, o kaya me hinahanap ka pang karakter na wala sa kanya, o kaya me ayaw ka sa kanya. At me isang taong gusto mo sana, kaya lang nag-aalangan dahil alam mong sasaktan ka nya, dahil d sya iba sa karamihan.

For the past weeks, nasa binggit ako ng pagsagot ng oo sa isang manliligaw. Pero bago ko pa man macomprehend ng husto ang mga mangyayari, back-out agad ang drama ko! At masgulo pa nang me isang taong nagbukas ng kanyang nararamdaman.

Kung hindi naman masamang magkumpara, eto na. Si JP - gud side: mabait, sweet naman, sobrang madiskarte, sa pagkakaalam ko wala namang ibang babae, thoughful din, loving sa family, lalong lalo na sa mga kapatid. Bad side: BISYO! kailangan ko pa bang isa-isahin? well, una na dun ang sugal, (sabong!) Gosh, nahirapan p akong itype un ah! at sympre ang paminsan-minsang pag-inom. Ok lang naman sakin un, kaya lang sympre kung pwede inaman sanang wag na lang... hay...

Ok! Next boylet. Si Melvin - gud side: gwapo, mabait din naman, madiskarte din, thoughtful din, walang bisyo, at me past kami (toinks!). Bad side: maraming nilalanding babae, mahilig magstir-up ng usap-usapan.

Next boylet. Si Joseph - gud side: super bait, sweet, sya ang unang lalaking nakagaanan ko ng loob, nasasabihan ng mararamdaman, walang hiya kong naibabahagi sa kanya ang aking nakaraan! bad side: BABAERO! un na!

Last. Si Paltinca! wala, scratch na sya!!!

So, sila ba ang mga taong pagpipilian ko? Maaaring kailangan ko pang magdasal ng masmarami. Naniniwala akong darating ang taong para sakin. Sabi ko sa sarili ko isang taon pa. Hindi pa naman natatapos ang isang taon, ang totoo nga nagsisimula pa lang ito. Ayokong magmadali, baka masaktan akong muli.

So ano na? Chill lang...

Di na ko nadala!

Napahamak na naman ako, kagabi! Sa pagnanais bigyan ng ikalawang pagkakataon ang taong ito na ipakita saking seryoso sya at kaya nyang panindigan ang kanyang mga pangako at mga salita, nabigo ako ng bonggang bongga!

Sa ikalawang pagkakataong iyon, sa parehong lugar, parehong oras, ngunit sa pagkakataong iyon, kami lamang dalawa. Nagsimula sa masayang kwentuhan, palitan ng opinyon, rebelasyon ng mga nakaraan. Nag-akala na naman ako na ok ang lahat, kayang-kaya! Under control! Hanggang sa umabot na naman ng dis-oras ng gabi, nag-aya na kong umuwi. Pero, bago pa ko makatanggi nalagay na naman ako sa alanganin!

Akala ko lang talaga pure ang intensyon nya. Matapos ang marubdob na halik, humugot ako ng lakas na bumitaw. Ngunit ang pinaka nagpatulala talaga sa akin ay nang sabihin nyang, "ano gusto mong ituloy natin?" Ha? Akala ko ba hindi na mauulit? Akala ko ba nagkaintindihan tayo na hindi mo ko ilalagay sa alanganing sitwasyon?

Ngunit hindi pa talaga natapos dun ang lahat! Nagtangka pa din sya. Sumubok na baka hindi ko lang naiintindihan, na natatakot lang ako nung una. HINDI ko talaga kaya! Kung yung dati nakukuha kong magkasala dahil mahal ko naman ung tao, ngaun walang lugar ang pagmamahal, purong makamundo lang, purong pagnanasa!

Kaya bago kami naghiwalay sinabi kong hindi ko na kayang pumasok sa isang relasyon na makasalanan. Ayoko na talaga! Sana wag na syang magpilit, parang awa nya na! Nagkakasala ako ng dahil sa kanya, at ganon din sya sa akin.

Ngayon, gusto ko na namang lumayo sa lugar na ito. Natatakot akong maulit ulit ung nangyari. Bakit ba ganito, nagmamadali kasi akong makahanap ng lalaking hanggad kong makasama sa araw-araw, kaya din naman napapahamak ako. Magiging alipin na naman ako ng pangyayaring iyon.

right & wrong choices

i agreed to go to this suitor of mine, one night, to the beach to meet his friends who are having a get together. before going there i hesitated because i am very lousy at meeting people, the situation makes me very uncomfortable. and so we took a long walk from the church to his house and we are having a good chat. nothing very unusual that something will happen later that night.

we reached the beach, had dinner, then we started drinking. i am very relaxed and composed that night, got a little tipsy, but not drunk! nothing can be seen except for those areas with lights on, but everything was engulfed by darkness.

but i had to go to the comfort room.... i asked him to go with me (for i could not dare ask his friends to accompany me). we are arguing on something when he started kissing me. bullshit! this was not the moment that ive been waiting for! somethings wrong! no! i have to stop him! but then it got a little farther than what i thought i could control! he became harsh, it got to the point where i could not push him away, he was over powering me.

that night, the two emotions i expected to feel wasnt there! i thought i will feel either liking it or i will feel fearful! i am dead NUMB! i could not feel anything! then i realized.... all i had were choices. CHOICES! either i will agree to what his doing with me or tell to his face that he cant have me!

he already made his choice, and he could not control it anymore. pero AKO, ako i still have 2 choices! then i started pushing him away from me, but he just kept on what he's doing, now in a more forceful way! i have to really push him hard, AWAY! and when he finally did, i was still numbed. i thought of his friends, and what they might be thinking that time, i thought about what if he's too angry that he will tell everyone about what had happened! and so i decided that i will never go out with him, never trust him, never say or speak a word with him.... NEVER!

And so its really good bye...

I cried last night and I hope that would be the last time I will cry for him. I cried my heart out while praying. The event that occurred made me reminisce the past, it opened wounds, it brought false hopes. It made me touch something I've been yearning to feel. I thought about the possibility of a third chance.

For the longest time we hadnt communicated, havent seen each other, dont have any news. Kaya nga when we were exchanging text messages I could not ignore that it felt good. Pero tama talaga sila, dapat hindi na kasi it became hard when we came to the time of saying good bye. I thought we could stay that way a little longer. It's a sin! Hanggang sa huling sandali, I set aside my peace, my freedom just to have that one moment with you.

And so when you said that its really good bye for both of us, I held back. Becasue what I really wanted to say is for us to wait for a little longer, kaya nga instead of saying a hard "yes!" I said "i guess so..." And you bid good bye, wishing that I may have a great life ahead, and as for you, that life will go on for you.

Yes, rex, I will have a great life and its all because of you! Maybe in the next life, where no religion will ever separate us. No other person will be between us. And if in the next life we will see each other, maybe will be holding each others hands forever!

And so its really good bye...

I cried last night and I hope that would be the last time I will cry for him. I cried my heart out while praying. The event that occurred made me reminisce the past, it opened wounds, it brought false hopes. It made me touch something I've been yearning to feel. I thought about the possibility of a third chance.

For the longest time we hadnt communicated, havent seen each other, dont have any news. Kaya nga when we were exchanging text messages I could not ignore that it felt good. Pero tama talaga sila, dapat hindi na kasi it became hard when we came to the time of saying good bye. I thought we could stay that way a little longer. It's a sin! Hanggang sa huling sandali, I set aside my peace, my freedom just to have that one moment with you.

And so when you said that its really good bye for both of us, I held back. Becasue what I really wanted to say is for us to wait for a little longer, kaya nga instead of saying a hard "yes!" I said "i guess so..." And you bid good bye, wishing that I may have a great life ahead, and as for you, that life will go on for you.

Yes, rex, I will have a great life and its all because of you! Maybe in the next life, where no religion will ever separate us. No other person will be between us. And if in the next life we will see each other, maybe will be holding each others hands forever!

Firehouse

I finally found the love of a lifetime. A love to last my whole life through. I will never forget this song. Every time that it hear it on the radio i could not help but get my cellphone, key in the lyrics and send it to someone very special. We where in Baguio then when i started the habit of sending him song lyrics that would tell him the love i feel for him. Songs like Love of a Lifetime and When I look into your Eyes both from Firehouse. I never heard any appreciation from him, or a thank you reply or anything but still I continue doing it.

And now that we are not together anymore, I cant stop thinking - who will be the person that i will dedicate this song? The right person who really deserve this song. Sometimes, people think that i am still into my long lost love. Still in love with him. Sad to disappoint them, but i am not anymore. I am in love life, with my family, with friends. I love meeting new people, exchanging kilig texts with someone. I love hearing someone telling me that i deserve the best. I love reading mail messages that he's praying for me, text messages that he misses palawan, especially me. When life is good, who would ever dare say that i still feel the same, look the same.

Well, here it is the song that awaits that special one, my gift from God!

I guess the time was right for us to say
We’d take our time and live our lives together day by day
We’ll make a wish and send it on a prayer
We know our dreams can all come true

With love that we can share
With you I never wonder
Will you be there for me
With you I never wonder

You’re the right one for me
I finally found the love of a lifetime
A love to last my whole life through
I finally found the love of a lifetime

Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime
With every kiss our live is like brand new
And every star up in the sky was made for me and you
Still we both know that the road is long
We know that we will be together because our love is strong

I finally found the love of a lifetime
A love to last my whole life through, yeah
I finally found the love of a lifetime
Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime

I finally found the love of a lifetime
I finally found the love of a lifetime
I finally found the love of a lifetime
Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime

Sulat ng Pasasalamat at Paghingi ng Kapatawaran

rex,

Sa napaka pambihirang pagkakataon merong dalawang bagay akong gustong ipagbigay alam sayo. Hindi ko nais manggulo o magdala ng ano mang intensyon. Hindi ko gustong ipaalam sayo ang aking katayuan sapagkat wala ng dahilan pa, tapos na ang lahat. Hangad kong maging simple ito at hindi ako naghahanap ng iyong sukli sa sulat na ito, kung maaari huwag na, hindi na kinakailangan pa. Ang nais ko lamang ay manghingi ng iyong kapatawaran at magpasalamat. Two words that i know you deserve.

Una, gusto kong manghingi ng tawad sa lahat ng masasakit na salitang binitiwan ko, maaaring ikaw mismo ang nakarinig o hindi na nagdulot ng sakit at sama ng loob sayo. Sa pagnanais na saktan ka, maging magulo ang iyong buhay, pagdidisisyon, iyong kasalukuyan.

Ikalawa, nais kong magpasalamat sa pagdidisisyon mong hindi ako ang piliin mo. Sa maraming pagkakataon sinabi ko sayo na have the balls and be man enough to decide. At sa pagkakataong ito, you have become that man. Tulad ng nabanggit ko na, hindi ko na kailangan pang panggitin sayo ang mga bagay na nailagay sa tamang lalagyanan, basta ang alam ko tama na ang lahat.

Kasama ka pa din sa aking mga panalangin, gayon din ang iyong bagong mahal. Nakakapagtaka nga kung minsan sa kabila ng sakit I am still called to be a good Christian, magmahal pa din, magpatawad, manghingi ng tawad. Sana nga sa mga nangyari sa ating nakaraan, nasumpungan mo na ang nais mong makita. Ako, inaayos ko pa din ang aking sarili, hinahanda ang sarili sa ibibigay sa akin ng Panginoon. Pinupuno ng masmaraming pagmamahal ang puso, itinatayong muli ang dignidad, tinatanggal ang mga unpure desires. Mahirap ng magkamaling muli. Nagkataon lang na nauna kang masumpungan ang para sayo.

Muli, hindi na kailangan pa ang iyong pagsagot sa sulat na ito. Maunawaan mo sanang kahit lumipas na ang isang taon ay merong mga bagay pa din akong inaayos sa sarili, kasama ang pagtanggap sa bagay na tapos na, mga nakalipas, at hindi na muling maaayos pa. Siguro darating din ang panahon na kapag ninais ng Dyos na magkrus ang ating landas, makakaya ko ng tumingin sayo, makipag-usap, at kung ganap na ang pagiging mature natin kahit hanggang sa pakikipag kaibigan. Hanggang dito na lang.

babang

Ano Ba Ang Mas Tamang Gawin?

Sa pagnanais na magmahal, sa pag-aakalang naintindihan ang mga bagay-bagay sapagkat nasa hustong gulang na, nakamali ako. Nais ko lang namang matutuo kayo sa mga nakaraan ng iba, dun sa mga nakaeksperyensya na. Tulad ng nabanggit ng tatay ko noon "do not reinvent the wheel"! Wag na sanang subukin pa ang mga bagay na nasubukan na ng iba at nagdulot ng sakit. Ngunit kahit sa pagkakataong ito "experience is still the best teacher" sapagkat hindi nga naman matututo ang isang tao kung hindi sya mismo ang nakakit, nakaramdam, at sumubok nito.

Akala ko kasi dahil nasa iisang kumunidad tayo, nakikinig sa parehong turo, e maiintindihan ang paraan ng pagtama sa bagay na mali.

Noon akala ko din mali ang aking nagawa nang pagsabihan namin kayong wag nyo muna ituloy yan, mali kasi, hindi malaya ang isa sa inyo. Nagalit kayo sapagkat bakit nga ba kelangan kong makialam sa nais ninyo. Nang humusto ang mga pagkakataon sa inyo, ano ang nasaksihan ninyo mula sa akin, suporta! Na sa kabila naman ng pag-away ng iba sa inyong relasyon, ako'y tahimik na sumuporta? Ngunit sadyang di pa nga sumasaang-ayon sa inyo ang pagkakataon kayat nagpasya kayong maghiwalay. Anong narinig mo sa akin, wala! Tahimik lang akong nasaktan para sa isang kaibigang tunay na nagmahal sayo pero hindi mo ipinaglaban! Nalunod ka sa sulsol ng mga tao sa iyong paligid. Ngunit iyon ay iyong desisyon.

Ngayon, sa muling pagharap mo sa kumunidad na ito, nasumpungan mo ang isang taong higit kesa dun sa dating minahal mo, ano ang ginagawa mo? Tulad pa din ba noon na hindi marunong tumayo sa mga nadesisyunang bagay?

Ano ba ang mas tamang gawin? Sa parte ko ako'y nasaktan din ng hindi sinasadyang masaktan kita. Ang nais ko lang naman tuyuan mo ang desisyon mo. Nasaktan ako ng patuloy ang pagtanggi mo sa isang bagay na nagmumura na sa harap ng marami, kitang kita na! Nasaktan ako ng hindi naging maganda ang iyong naging pagtatapos. Sabagay, wala din naman talagang magandang sumula hindi ba? Wala ka naman kasing inamin eh.

Iniisip ko tuloy, ano nga ba ang mas tamang gawin? Ang hindi na lang makialam dahil pag ako'y nakialam masasaktan kita, hindi mo lang maiintindihan? O mas mabuting makialam ngunit sa pagkakataong ito ay pilit kong ipapaintindi sa 'yo?

Naririnig kong sinasabi ko sa sarili kong patuloy mo syang mahalin at makiaalam ka. Kung tama ito, ipagdarasal kong bigyan tayo pareho ng masmalawak na kaisipan. Gusto ko kasi wag mo ng danasin ung mga sakit. Kung alam mo lang...

para kay jose rizal II

Sinabi mong ibibigay mo ang puso mo sa akin, nagbuwis ng panahon para makasama lamang ako, nagwaldas ng kayamanan mapakinggan lang ako. Ngunit ang lahat ng pinakita mo'y kathang-isip lamang. Dinala mo ako sa isang panaginip, panaginip na akala ko katuparan ng bawat oras ng pagkagising.

Sa tuwing masasaktan ka, sa aking mga bisig ko ika'y kumukuha ng lakas. Sa tuwing nalulungkot ka, tinig ko ang yong hinahanap. At sa tuwing ika'y nag-iisa, pag-aaruga ko ang iyong kapiling.

Sa bawat araw na kasama ka lubos ang galak na nadarama. Kung pwede lang sana huminto ang pag-ikot ng oras, di na bumaba ang araw sa pagsikat, di na matapos ang ung mga yakap.

Subalit, tinatawag ka ng yong nakaraan. Pag-ibig mong hindi makalimutan. Ang tinig nya'y sya pa ring himig na nagbibigay ngiti sa 'yong mga labi, nagpapakabog ng ung puso, nagpapatuliro sa 'yong isip. Kahit lubos na pasakit ang dala ng kanyang mga alaala, patuloy ang paggunita mo. Sinusuong ang madilim na nakalipas masumpungan lang ang kanyang pagsuyo. At kapag nagising ka na, malalaman mong ang lahat ay pawang mga gunita na lamang ng yong nakalipas. Babalik ang yong kalungkutan kasabay ng pagbalik mo sa aking piling.

Paano kung iniibig na kita ngunit ang nais mo lang ay isang kasama? Paano kung hindi ko na kayang makita kang malungkot, ngunit hindi pa rin ako ang makapagbigay sayo ng lubos na kaligayahan?

Ah.. ako'y magmamahal na lamang ng tahimik. Lulubusin ang mga sandaling ikaw ay kapiling. Makukuntento sa kapirasong pagtinging iniuukol mo para sa akin. Isang kaibigan, yan lamang ang magiging parte ko sa puso mong hindi magiging akin.

para kay jose

Sa pagdaan ng mga araw, walong buwan n ang nakakalipas, natutunan kong kilalanin ang isang katulad mo. Ang palitan ng mga kwento, sa pamamagitan ng telepono akala ko, pwede na. Natutuwa tuwing makakausap ka, kahit nga minsan naging dahilan ng pagkapuyat, pagkaramdam ng antok habang nasa opisina. Namimiss kung hindi kita naririnig, nangangarap na minsan, sa mga susunod na araw, makikita na kita.

Unti-unti binuksan mo ang mga posibilidad, mga pangarap, mga emosyon na sa pagkakaalam ko'y hindi ko mararamdam sa loob ng ilang taon. Ipinakita mo ang alam ng puso mo at sa pamamagitan nito hindi ako nag-atubiling ibahagi sayo ang buhay ko.

Noong mga sandaling iyon, nakakita ako ng kakampi sa katauhan mo. Ikaw ung nagpaintindi sakin kung pano bumangon ang isang lalaki sa kabila ng pagkamatay ng kanyang puso. Binigyan mo ko ng lakas tuwing kailangan ko ito, inalok ng pakikipagkaibigan.

Dumating ka sa panahong kailangan kita. Hindi sa paraang katulad ng sa iba. Sila na noong dumating ay nagtangkang iahon ako sa pasakit na kinalalagyan ko, sila na hindi naman talaga tunay na nararamdaman kung saan ako nagmumula, sila na hindi naririnig ang mga lihim kong hinaing.

Kaya nga sa loob ng maikling panahon nakaramdam ako ng isang emosyong mahirap itanggi. Hindi makapagkunwari na higit pa sa pagiging magkaibigan ang nararamdaman ko. Hindi maitago sayo, hindi ko kayang hindi ipaalam. Ngunit alam ko namang mali sapagkat sa pagkakataong ito hindi na ko maaari pang magkamali. Akala ko pa naman pwede na. Akala ko kaya ko na uli. Pero hindi ko dapat gamitin ang puso ko sa ganitong pakakataon. Kailangan ikunsidera ang maraming bagay. Mga bagay na ikaw lang ang makakapagsabing hindi totoo. Ngunit sa ating mga pag-uusap ang mga bagay na ito ay hindi mo naman ikinakatwa.

Sa kabila naman nito, hindi ko ililihim sayo na mahal na kita, katulad na din ng nabanggit ko sayo. Nangangarap na sa ating pagkikita mayayakap kita, makakasama, magiging katuwang. Ngunit ang pagmamahal na ito ay siya ring gagamitin ko upang lumayo. Hindi pa pala ako handa. Hindi ko na din iisiping meron pang pag-asa tayong dalawa, kahit magdudulot ito ng kalungkutan. Minsan may mga bagay kasing mas mabuting manatili na lang kung paano natin dinampot, baka hindi pa tayo handang masaktan muli.

Kaya katulad ng mensahing ipinaabot ko sayo, magpapaalam na ako. Dasal ko para sayo, hanapin mo ang pagpapalago sayong karakter sa pamamagitan ng pagmamahal sa Dyos. Nawa mabalikan mo ring muli ang iyong nakaraan at magnilay-nilay, pagsisihan ang mga pasakit na naidulot sa iba. Sana magkaroon ka ng lakas ng loob na tumanggi sa mga makamundong bagay. Sana masumpungan mo ang babaeng tunay na magmamahal sayo. Lagi kang kasama sa mga dalangin ko, yan ang hindi magbabago.

"If one day you can't find me, can't connect with me, can't understant why... maybe it wasn't ment to be...."

-babang 8.16.09.942

30 Days to Live

July 30, Thursday night, household meeting night! I thought this was just an ordinary household meeting. What excites me that night was not the meeting but the surprise birthday for our beloved Tito Mecio.

We started with a powerful worship, which surprised me because I am not used to a household meeting with two guitarists, five brothers and five sisters (unusual na marami). Then Tito opened the discussion by asking us about the news of former President Aquino's health status and the prayers that the people are offering for her.

He said that He realized that it is better for a person to be diagnosed of a sickness and have time to undo the bad things one had done in the past. He shared to us his experience about his lola not wanting his father, but when his lola was on her dying bed, she asked for forgiveness.

He then said that what if we were only given thirty days to live, what will we do? He gave us papers to write down ten things we want to do before we die. It was very easy at first to write down the things I want to do, I didn't took it seriously. But slowly the thought of dying after thirty days started to sink in!Then it became serious. At number seven, I wrote: "Makausap si Rex, makahingi ng tawad at magpasalamat." The whole time my hands were cold and shaking! I have to do this before I die!

Then we prepared thirty pieces one peso coin that would represent one day of thirty days. We prayed that at the end of thirty days, we will accomplish the things we want to do.

What will I do? Do I have to take this seriously? Well, maybe I have to. Ive been restless this past few days because of the thought that August will be coming soon. The day of revelation will come on the 14th and whether I like it or not I will wake up on that day. I have to face the sad truth. It has been a year ago, so many things had happened.

Every waking hour since the 30th of July, I prayed for courage and acceptance. Things will never be the same, I don't want it to be the same. I don't want to go back to that day. I still have twenty seven days. I ask God to prepare me on that particular day. There are many ways to accomplish this particular task. In whatever way, I ask God to hold my hand.

I pray that God take away first the pain and anger in my heart, then fill it with forgiveness, love, acceptance and letting go.

And at the end of thirty days, I will be reborn. Reborn with more love and more hope!

Old Notes, Old Memories

(posted at frendster july 23, 2009)

A friend wants to borrow my notes in some subjects that he is taking in graduate school which I took a long time ago. As i was looking on each and every old folders, my brain created this very very thick and tallest wall so that old memories will not come crushing into my brain. It secreted a hormone for my heart not to feel sad, and lonely. Still, there it was. Just as real as it was two or three years ago.

We enrolled in graduate school, together we accomplished the requirements, paid our fees, took the entrance exam, had the same subjects, with the hope the we will finish it together. We entered the classrooms, sat side by side in every subjects, and walked along Valencia St. up to the terminal. I will always be the one to keep the copies of our classmates' reports and bring it on the next session. Till our classmates, along with our professors team us up for group reports, case study analysis, projects and other activities. I would patiently call him in his office (only to be put on hold for 15 mins, and have to talk really quick, and the phone hang up) to ask him about our case study, in particular the Campbell Company Case Analysis, wherein I would read through the whole 20+ pages, make a swot analysis, find the problem, and draw a solution/conclusion. Then I will report it to the class, satisfying our professor, we both earned the credit. How funny!
Like the hope to finish our graduate school fades away, our relationship is also slipping away. He eventually became very busy in his work when he had his motorcycle. Me, on the other hand, fell in love with someone else. And we are falling apart.

Now that it's almost one year since we decided to part ways, I still have two copies of some of the reports we had during graduate school days. For sure my mother will be very glad if I will put one copy away together with old papers and newspaper to be used in starting to build a fire (for charcoal, for cooking).

Though, I dont have some one to be with me to attend and complete my masters degree, I still have plans to finish it. With the grace of God, just as He nows the desires of my heart in taking away the things I dont need in life, He will feel me with His love and abundance.

By the way, He is the One I fell in love with! God!

Suicide

Early this afternoon, as i was looking through facebook, i realized na parang walang tao, i mean, konti lang ang mga frends, wala masyadong kulitan. Then i decided to visit my friendster account.



As i was running through the home page, i noticed a familiar name. For the longest time, he doesnt have any activities going on with his account. Then there it was, he added a frend thus his name appreared on my frends activities.



The next thing i did was to click on the who viewed me button, and there again, i saw that he also viewed my account. Then i decided, without thinking twice, what the heck i might as well look at his account....



My heart was pumping in an unusual why, as if i am on a ledge thinking of jumping off... suicide! When his account opened up, the first thing i noticed was his featured frends. There were four of them, all ladies, 3 of his sisters and his girlfrend. I suddenly felt angry... he never ever put my profile on his featured frends....



Running through his account, i saw his testimonies... there it was, as big as the billboards in Edsa... confirmed, all the truth spilled out.... I jump off the ledge! Suicide...



But wait.... This time someone was there to catch me. My Savior! And He was not alone, he brought with Him his angels... Ate Sani, Mai2, Jajah, Kate, Kuya Dong, Kuya Pico.



For some of them, they might not understood what I really felt, yet they where there to remind me that i am ok, safe already. And for some, who understood, they didnt catch me. They let me experience the pain of accepting the truth, help me absorb reality and then pick me up, dust off the dirt on my face, and embraced me. These are the faces of my Savior!



Mai2 said that i should not deny to him the things he earned, the people that became his frends through the relationship. I should be happy for him.



What a humbling experience! That even in pain, i am called to be a good Christian. I said that i am learning to be happy for him, together with learning to forgive & forget & accept.



And now, i am closing the day with so much adventure! After dinning out at Kinabuchs, I insisted on driving the motorcycle going home. And I did a good job, driving from Semenario up to the gate of my home. A minute later, two frends arrived. We talked and laughed at stuff. And to top it all, i recieved a call from someone, a text from another, and a good night sleep later.



Ah! This is still a very good day for me.

Ang Pangungulit ni Mica

Ang makulit kong kapatid na gustong maginternet pero hindi makainternet dahil nandito pa ako... hehehe... pinapalayas na ako, magbihis n dw kasi me pupuntahan pa..
Si Mica, hindi pa nagpupunas.... pag-uwi nila tatay at mamang galing sa meeting hindi pa sya nakapunas...
Aw.. tapos na dw sya magpunas... hahaha